I feel so empty. So lost. It’s like that feeling you experience when you cry for hours and then you sit there emotionless. I feel like I’m missing something. I watch life passes me by. Every. Single. Day. And there’s nothing I can do about it anymore.

Whitman is my daddy, Monaco’s my mother, diamonds are my bestest friend. Heaven is my baby, suicide’s her father, opulence is the end.

Idk

There's like something dark in me that I can't really escape of. I wish I could but it keeps coming back when every single part of my body knows I don't really want it, it keeps tracking me and going through me when I least expect it almost as if it was funny. 
I tend to really react to what happens to me depending if im stressed, or happy, or sad, or overwhealmed I know what happens to me and I get over it but this feeling I have it's like when everything goes wrong and you just want to throw yourself in a wide river and wait to see where it takes you, even though sometimes nothing is really happening. 
I can be just sitting in my room, reading tumblr and it hits me, and I don't want it to hit me anymore
I'm so tired of feeling this way and so tired of being rude and stupid to people I really care of, and no one seems to get it.
what if it goes on forever. 
Anyway, whatever. 

I feel so empty. So lost. It’s like that feeling you experience when you cry for hours and then you sit there emotionless. I feel like I’m missing something. I watch life passes me by. Every. Single. Day. And there’s nothing I can do about it anymore.

If I could I would take that smile and inject it right into my blood stream. My parents warned me about drugs in baggies sold out on the street but never the ones with teeth and a heartbeat.

He's really lovely and I'm really stupid

I’m nothing. I’m absolutely nothing but skin and bone and water and oxygen and particles. I am nothing to miss, or look forward to, or love. I am nothing. But that’s not even true, because nothing doesn’t try to destroy itself, for it is nothing. I want to be nothing.

I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.

I need mental health lol.

SAKDJNQW

Okay, so this really fucked up with my mind just now, and it made me really uncomfortable and I don’t know what’s happening with my head so I need to throw it out, so basically just now I was enjoying the lovely piece of bed I own. And I was like, watching youtube videos, I was watching english and afrikaan youtube videos so I was like idk enjoying it and whatever and then i see on the sidebar this ‘chilean video’ And I clicked on it. 

And all of the sudden it was a whole different language, like it went from akricaan to spanish and I stopped it for a little bit and realised my brain understood both of them languages perfectly, just like idk it’s so weird to me that this people are talking and saying stuff I listen with my ears and then I understand them in my brain like, it’s not a language I was ever familiar with but now it is and even as I’m typing this I don’t understand how I got familiar with this language or how I got familiar with spanish IT’S SO FUCKING WEIRD, HOW DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND LANGUAGES LIKE WTF 

I dont know if anyone else does this but… I can tell when someone fell asleep just by hearing their breathing, its so obvious its like deep and perfect, does that make me a weird person? Hearing people breathe while they sleep? Idk i think its almost calming like, its really cute. They’re living today, this second, this minute, and then they wake up feeling weird trying to remember what happened in their little heads during all that time thy were unconscious. Idk…

I really wanna get into a series, I watched for about 5 years skins but now that it's over I'm kind of undecided... I now I'm terrible at watching series unless I seriously fucking love them so I was thinking about getting into Doctor Who but that has like TWENTY SEASONS AND ITS BEEN GOING ON FOR 50 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! so that's hard... breaking bad just didn't really appeal me... just the first episode, then I got bored of it to be honest haha. Ummm... pretty little liars, i cant be fucked, that's terribly directed anyway. How I met your mother is fun yeah, but Im not into that humour. I can only watch it for like some hours. Ugh it's so complicated, it's 3:20AM again. :(

He really makes me feel like I'm something, like people actually matter.

I think its funny how I still kinda wanna die and literally no one notices. Why the fuck am i even here, no one fucking needs me. I’m so fucking triggered right now.. an if it happened, no one would stop me because no one sees it.. i wish someone would see it for once… i just want all this pain and hurt and the thoughts to end..

Tengo que empezar a separar a los artistas de las personas en las que pienso cuando escucho su música.

8AM does weird things to you.

So it’s 8:52AM and I woke up at like 6:00 or something and I’ve been reading this things which led me to think about my past relationships even if it's friends or more. So I guess I still remember all of them in the sense that I know who their persona is, even though i kinda forgot most of the people I met when I was younger and Its all a big blurr now like its hard to me to get faces still but okay anyway I still remember the people I had emotional bonds with. And its funny to think how I sometimes thought to myself like “fuck i really love this person and ill never stop loving this person and ill always care about this person” but years later one of them is making completely different things or on a completely different country or like some people i dont even know if they still are like alive like seriously, those kind of relationships i didnt really appreciate much i guess but its complicated for me to think because i feel like maybe im saying that because im living 2014 now and maybe recent things are more important but i really feel like THOSE relationships just weren’t and its not like i dont take anything good from them like I learn from people I meet Which i cant not appreciate, ever. So you grow up and youre not friends with the person who's closer you only associate yourself with people you truly think you’re gonna like hang out and be friends or be together with because if not whats the point of it? Maybe im being like too serious about it maybe i should just keep having little irrelevant things but i dont really need it, so idk but yes idk why i was thinking about this.

"Sacate el short, ya te vieron toda la concha wacha" jajajajajajjajajjajajajajaja

So I've been talking to this guy from hornet, yadda yadda,  which is slightly creepy for me because like… I don’t know? but he’s nice? oh god.

I smoke a lot, lot, lot, less in summer. 

He loves my heart shaped sunglasses, he loves the heart shape my ass is, crystal crystal champagne glasses, every man gets his wish.