Idk

There's like something dark in me that I can't really escape of. I wish I could but it keeps coming back when every single part of my body knows I don't really want it, it keeps tracking me and going through me when I least expect it almost as if it was funny. 
I tend to really react to what happens to me depending if im stressed, or happy, or sad, or overwhealmed I know what happens to me and I get over it but this feeling I have it's like when everything goes wrong and you just want to throw yourself in a wide river and wait to see where it takes you, even though sometimes nothing is really happening. 
I can be just sitting in my room, reading tumblr and it hits me, and I don't want it to hit me anymore
I'm so tired of feeling this way and so tired of being rude and stupid to people I really care of, and no one seems to get it.
what if it goes on forever. 
Anyway, whatever. 

I feel so empty. So lost. It’s like that feeling you experience when you cry for hours and then you sit there emotionless. I feel like I’m missing something. I watch life passes me by. Every. Single. Day. And there’s nothing I can do about it anymore.

If I could I would take that smile and inject it right into my blood stream. My parents warned me about drugs in baggies sold out on the street but never the ones with teeth and a heartbeat.

He's really lovely and I'm really stupid

I’m nothing. I’m absolutely nothing but skin and bone and water and oxygen and particles. I am nothing to miss, or look forward to, or love. I am nothing. But that’s not even true, because nothing doesn’t try to destroy itself, for it is nothing. I want to be nothing.

I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.

I need mental health lol.